A COMPLAINT LETTER FROM CAPTAIN PEACH
The International Space Tribunal Immigration
Division 14 Moonraker Hall
NW Jupiter 1280323
SS 201 NZ3 December 20, 2912
I am writing at the request of my lawyers to explain the set of circumstances that led to my being held without charge by your customs agents in Jupiter.
In 2902, I was sent by the United Earth Mission to Mars in search of Dooby Woop, an infamous bounty hunter. During takeoff, faulty insulation caused one of my nitrogen tanks to develop a .22 milimeter fracture and the entire spacecraft exploded. After 10 years of waiting for new federal grants to build a new spacecraft, I finally arrived on Mars. I could not find parking.
I decided to fly instead to the International Space Station on Jupiter. While docking, the Space Station's mainframe requested for my docking password for Jupiter. I remembered my password but then it prompted me for my PIN. I informed the computer than I never was given a PIN for Jupiter. The system did not allow me to dock. The administrator then came on board and informed me that a PIN was indeed on file for me in Jupiter, even though I never received it. She said in order for me to get my PIN from her, I had to tell her the last time I docked in Jupiter, the dates of travel, and the station number in which I docked. I could not remember this information because my D2 droid, which stored all my records, had run out of battery on the journey to Jupiter and permanently erased all my files. She then said in order for me to obtain clearance to dock in Jupiter, I had to fly back to Earth to obtain a notarized copy of my birth certificate.
By the time I returned to Jupiter 11 months later with my notarized certificate, Dooby Woop had fled to Pluto. I immediately flew to Pluto, but was denied entry because my spacecraft emissions only met the standards of Earth, which were much lower than that of Pluto. In order for me to enter Pluto, I was informed by Pluto border agents that I had to outfit my spacecraft with an XE 465 emissions moderator, which is only available on Pluto.
I decided to fly back to Mars to see if I could obtain a comparable emissions moderator. The only parking space available was too small for my craft so I circled the planet for two weeks until I found a spot. By this time I was running low on fuel, so I sent a distress signal to a mobile fuel fleet for refueling. I had a lot of Mars currency, but the fuel fleet only accepted credit cards. They rejected my credit card because their computer said I had no credit history in Mars. All credit history established on Earth does not count.
I called my credit card company on Earth, and was told that my call would be answered in the order it was received. After waiting three days for the call to travel across space, I received the following message: "SIGNAL FADED - CALL LOST."
I was forced to make an emergency landing on Mars. Since there was no parking, I was promptly ticketed by the meter maid, who also impounded my spacecraft. Fortunately, I was able to pay the fine promptly. In order to recover my spacecraft, however, I had to produce a copy of my spacecraft registration, a valid visa stamp for Mars, and my InterPlanetary Travel Passport. Luckily I carried these documents with me at all times. I was informed by Mars police, however, that my documentation was rejected because the visa was stamped on a passport that was expiring in less than 6 months.
Stuck on Mars without a spaceship to return to Earth, or to pursue Dooby Woop in Pluto, I sent an inter-galactic communique to my Space Travel Assurance company, SpaceAssurance, requesting for a temporary spacecraft. The customer service representative responded with the following communique: "Thank you for contacting SpaceAssurance. For your convenience and security, Applications for Temporary Spacecraft must be made in person at any of the following convenient SpaceAssurance satellite stations: (pause) Saturn. Thank you for calling SpaceAssurance."
I was then extradited to Jupiter to await a court hearing, since I had no residency status on Mars. I am now writing from Geronimo Bay in Jupiter where I am being held with all the other aliens.
Please review my case promptly and grant me expedited release as Dooby Woop is still at large. I attach relevant documents from my lawyers (including my Earth attorney, my Pluto attorney, my Mars attorney and my Jupiter counselor-at-law) and a notarized copy of my employment contract with United Earth Mission certifying that I am a licensed bounty hunter Class A1.