COMPENDIUM OF STUPID HOLLYWOOD CONCEITS or
Questions That You Should Ask When Watching Any Kind of Movie
1. Why do taxis in movies always wait patiently and quietly for you to finish your conversation with your friend before hopping in?
2. Why do all movie couples sleep in bedrooms with two bedside tables on each side of the bed, with two lamps and a phone?
3. Why are all beds perfectly made in movies, even the beds of drug-dealers?
4. Why are all apartments huge in movies?
5. How many people in real life have an eat-in kitchen complete with an island in the middle?
6. How come a taxi always appears when you stick out your hand and say "Taxi?" How come you never have to call for one in a movie?
7. How can you drive with your face turned to your passenger and chatting, without looking at the road, for miles? Wouldn't you crash?
8. Why is Morgan Freeman considered a good actor? What was the last movie you saw him in that didn't suck?
9. How come people in movies never seem to have to work between the hours of 9 - 6 pm?
10. Who cleans the apartments of single men in movies? How come their toilets are so clean?
11. How come women in movies (no matter how ordinary) know how to sweep their hair up in a classy hairdo, and make it stay up?
12. How come diner waitresses always have perfectly well-fitting uniforms?
13. Where are the Hispanics and Asians in Hollywood movies?
14. How come when women strip in movies they always happen to be wearing matching bra and panties?
15. Do couples really wear pajamas to bed?
16. Who has time to jog?
17. The average height of American women is currently 5' 4". Where are the short women in movies?
18. Do people in movies ever do laundry?
19. Are cops and firemen really that good-looking?
20. Do ugly gay men exist?